As the first month of the new year draws to an end, I have been reflecting on resolutions. For many, New Year’s is a time to make resolutions, start fresh, eliminate a “bad” behavior, or lay the foundation for a major change. I have written about this idea a number of times, because I believe that at its core, psychotherapy is about making change. Healing from a trauma or loss, managing anger, improving communication with your partner, or advocating for yourself at work all require change, commitment and, of course, resolve. On this blog I have written about the importance of decreasing obsessions and their power over us, reviewed motivational tools, encouraged risk taking and even recommended reevaluating an over-scheduled life. I have repeatedly advocated for change. However, I did not do it at the New Year, and that was intentional.
I stay out of the New Year’s Resolution melee because usually it is focused on losing weight or dieting, and too often that focus feels like punishment or judgement on how we behaved in the holiday season. While less than a week or even a day ago, the media was encouraging us to spend, eat, and drink indulgently, on January first, the very same outlets begin selling us ways to undo or correct everything they just promoted. This mixed message is not only frustrating, it can be crazy-making, depressing, and rooted in shame.
I am in support of making healthy changes, but not when they come from a place of self-loathing. No matter how out of control, unhealthy, or unhappy you feel about your weight, body, or current eating habits, you won’t be able to change them if you hate yourself. Positive, long-lasting change comes from a nurturing and compassionate place. After a month of reflection and as we head into February, which is National Eating Disorders Awareness Month, I think the best resolution is to work towards loving yourself and viewing yourself with respect. When that happens the changes will follow. As the famous, humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers explains, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Lauren Schiffer, LICSW, MPH 